her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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