Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
