Jerry, you need to find god
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
