you lied. pity sex is amazing.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
