My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
