Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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