Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
