he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
