and you said cock pushups were impossible
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
