dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
