you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just had sex bonerless
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
