some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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