Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
