There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
