For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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