I could have mohawked her pubes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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