It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
