i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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