This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
