So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Boobs speak an international language.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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