You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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