i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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