on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
