I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
