it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize