Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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