Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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