to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
