i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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