Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
