dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
