The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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