i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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These tits shall not be calmed
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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