the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm too high and old for this...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
