i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I need moral support for this bender
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
