I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize