then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
