This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
