i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
