there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
