Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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