Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
