OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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