so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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