I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
