a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
