She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
God, I missed his penis.
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