I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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