That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
