Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
