So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
