Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The ass gains better be worth it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
