yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am available for nakedness
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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