Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
