He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
