You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.