I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
