This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
