Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."