He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok