I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
