you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
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There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
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So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today