I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?