so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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