Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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