Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
