Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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