Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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