I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
