i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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